All My Life
by MayMarie
Summary: Sam knows who he is. Edwin's trying to fight who *he* is. When Sam stays with the Venturi's over spring break, the last thing they're expecting is to fall in love with each other. Sam/Edwin slash
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of this. I hope that's obvious by now**.** Title comes from a Foo Fighters song. Great band, great song. If you haven't heard it yet, you should change that.**

**Warning: This story definitely contains Slash of the Sam/Edwin and Sam/OC variety. I hope you give it a chance.**

Chapter One: All My Life

The first person that Sam Macalister ever came out to was his older sister. Not that he'd actually had a choice in the matter, of course. She'd thrown open the closet door and dragged him out kicking and screaming. Well, technically she'd thrown open the bedroom door and seen much more than she'd bargained for.

Sam had been sixteen at the time and still trying to come to terms with the fact that he would rather make out with another guy instead of whatever girl had flirted with him in homeroom. Hell, he'd barely been able to admit to himself that he was gay. It still felt too weird for him to even think the words _I'm gay_. He knew he was attracted to guys and didn't want to deny who he was, but labeling himself as gay would open up a whole new can of worms that he just wasn't ready to deal with.

It was like the second he labeled himself as gay, he'd be throwing a giant wall up to set himself apart from everyone else. Instead, he told himself that he was what he was. For the time being that was easier to handle and it helped him feel a little less isolated from everyone else around him. Because everyone else was what they were too.

Needless to say, the idea of discussing it with any of his family or friends was, at best, an abstract idea that could possibly maybe happen in a decade or so. Unfortunately fate had other ideas for him.

It was rare that he ever got the house completely to himself. With his parents and four sisters all living under the same roof with him it was actually damn near impossible. But every once in a while the stars aligned and Sam got the house to himself for an afternoon. And like any normal sixteen year old boy, he jumped at the chance to bring his boyfriend home with him.

The minute the front door closed behind Brian, Sam was on him, attacking Brian's lips with his own. Brian let his backpack fall to the floor next to Sam's and returned the kiss full force. After a few minutes, never breaking the kiss, Brian shifted his weight to gently nudge Sam in the direction of the stairs. Almost immediately Sam started unbuttoning Brian's shirt. When he'd freed all the buttons he tugged the shirt off Brian's shoulders, letting it fall to the ground a few feet away from their shoes (when had they kicked those off, anyway?).

Somehow they'd made it up the stairs without tripping and before he really registered it, Brian had Sam pinned up against his bedroom door. Sam was willing to bet there was a clothing trail leading up the stairs because he was certain that both he and Brian had been wearing more clothing just a few moments ago. But he pushed that thought aside. There would be plenty of time to worry about clothes later. Right now he was too busy enjoying every visible inch of Brian's body. He let out a small gasp as Brian's hand started trying to work the zipper on Sam's jeans. Sam pulled one of his hands from Brian's hair and started groping for the doorknob. Once he found it, he wasted no time in pulling Brian in with him.

The rest of that afternoon would be one that changed everything for Sam. He and Brian had just barely drifted off to sleep when Brian's cell phone started chirping his little sister's ring tone. Sam jolted out of his happily sated stupor and nudged Brian so he would answer the damn phone already. Realizing what was going on, Brian leaned over his side of the bed and grabbed his cell phone out of the pocket. Flopping back into bed, he flipped it open.

"Hey Kimmy, what's up?" A minute later he hung up and rolled over so he was facing Sam. "Listen, I've gotta go pick Kimmy up from swim practice. Mom forgot to go get her and she's not answering her phone now so. . ." Brian let his explanation trail off as he stood up and started getting dressed.

Sam groaned.

"Are you mad?"

"No," Sam sighed, his voice muffled by the pillow covering half of his face. It wasn't the first time that Kimmy had had to call Brian to come get her after school. Their mom had an atrocious track record for remembering her kids. "Just disappointed you can't stay longer."

"Me too babe," said Brian, leaning down to kiss Sam once more, determined to make it count. Sam deepened the kiss and wrapped a hand around Brian's neck, pulling the boy closer to him. This kiss was so completely different from their earlier one. While that one had been frenzied and hungry, this one was slow and sensual, both boys tried to make it last as long as possible.

"You're killing me, you know that, right?" Asked Brian as he reluctantly broke away from his boyfriend to finally take a breath. "How am I supposed to leave when you keep kissing me like that?"

Sam smirked but decided to take pity on Kimmy. "Just imagine your poor little sister waiting all alone for you to go get her. Besides, you're hot when you play knight in shining armor."

"Tell that to Kimmy then. To her I'm just a free taxi service."

"Yeah, right after you tell your whole family about us," laughed Sam, knowing that neither of them wanted that to happen anytime soon. "Give me a second to get dressed and I'll walk you out," offered Sam. Growing up, his mother had insisted on teaching all of her children manners and one of her personal favorites had always been the importance of seeing a guest to the door. Needless to say, that habit had been completely ingrained in the five Macalister children since birth. Sam quickly threw on a pair of boxers and zipped his jeans. On their way downstairs he snatched up his t-shirt that had fallen to one of the stairs. With a promise to call that weekend and one last kiss, Sam said goodbye to Brian and turned to make sure that all of his clothing had been picked up from the living room. He definitely did not want to have to explain that to his parents.

"So who's the hottie?"

Sam looked up and sharply drew in a breath. Standing there in the kitchen (with a perfect view of the front door, no less) was his oldest sister.

"Jules?" He squeaked, because that's really all you could call the strangled sound that came from him at the moment he realized he was busted. And there was no doubt that she'd seen everything. "What?" He squeaked again. He'd wanted to ask her what she'd seen but hadn't quite managed to get the full question out. "How much?" He tried again but didn't do much better.

Instead, he just stopped trying to say anything. That clearly wasn't going to work right anyway. Besides, he already had his answer when he took a second to look at his sister, who looked quite distressed. She was biting her lower lip, which was a classic sign for her. And he was almost positive that tears were forming in her eyes, getting ready to spill over at any moment.

"Don't cry, Jules," Sam pleaded. He hated seeing any of his sisters cry and he detested being the reason for those tears, and that was clearly the case here. She wiped her eyes with her sleeve and quickly crossed the room to her brother and pulled him into a tight hug.

Sam immediately let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding. The minute that Jules hugged him, he knew she was okay with him. He wasn't going to lose her as his sister. He wasn't going to lose his best friend. Hot tears of relief stung at his eyes and before he could stop them, he was crying on his big sister's shoulder. Feeling ridiculous, he furiously wiped at his eyes.

Jules pulled him over to the couch and sat down next to him. "Where's your head at right now?"

"I don't know. All over the place?" Answered Sam after a few minutes. How could he answer that question? He was still trying to process everything that had just happened. How could he explain to her that he was so relieved that his sister knew the truth and wasn't going to disown him, but somehow it scared him so much more now. How could he tell her that he was sick of lying to everyone but it felt like it was the only option he had?

"Are you gay?" She asked, wanting to be one hundred percent sure that they were on the same page.

He nodded ever so slightly. "You can't tell mom and dad. Please," Sam requested softly, locking eyes with his sister and pleading with her with everything he had. He knew that if their parents found out, the best case scenario would end in his getting kicked out of the house. Their dad had flat out told him years ago that that would happen if his only son came home gay. His exact words were "no fairy fags will live under my roof." And Sam was fairly certain that Jules knew that, judging by the steely, angry look in her eyes at the mention of their dad finding out.

"I would never do that to you. I promise. I am on your side. Now listen to me," she ordered, placing one hand on either side of his face to make sure that she had his complete attention. "First of all, I love you. I always have and I always will."

Once more, Sam sighed with relief and pulled Jules into another tight hug, burying his face in her shoulder, causing what he said next to sound quite muffled.

"You have no idea how much I needed to hear that."

"This changes nothing between us. Do you hear me? I don't know what crazy thoughts have been going through you head lately, but we're still us. You're still my partner in crime and I'll love you as much tomorrow as I did yesterday. And I'm right here if you ever need a reminder. Or someone to cover for you with mom and dad," Jules grinned a little impish grin.

"I'll remember that," Sam promised, grinning right back at her. He was never more grateful for the sister that he had than he was at that very moment. She was always able to make him feel better, no matter what. And she knew just what to say to keep things from getting too heavy and serious.

"And promise me that you'll tell Kelly, Tina and Rachel eventually. Not today or tomorrow, but eventually. They deserve to know everything about their big brother and how brave he is."

"Okay," Sam agreed. Truthfully, he wanted them to know the truth. He wasn't ashamed of who he was and he didn't want them to grow up thinking that. He never wanted them to think that there was anything wrong with being gay. But he also knew that his youngest sisters weren't ready to find out yet. Kelly was fourteen and old enough to keep a secret but she would find some way of making it seem like Sam was ruining _her_ life. Tina and Rachel (ten and seven respectively) were just too young to really know how to keep a secret and understand the implications of what would happen if they accidentally let something slip.

Jules pulled Sam against her and the two of them sat like that on the couch for a long time, sometimes talking and sometimes just thinking. Sam told her that he's been seeing Brian for about six months now, but that he wasn't the first guy he'd dated. And Jules had convinced Sam to introduce her to Brian that weekend.

"Are you feeling up to a big family dinner tonight?" She asked him.

"Not without alcohol," he confessed. Over the years he had had to sit through countless dinners with the family where his sisters talked about whatever boy they were interested in that week (hell, even Rachel had announced she had a boyfriend at dinner one night). Inevitably, his dad would raise an eyebrow at him to silently ask him if he had anything to add or his mom would sweetly ask "any girls you're interested in, sweetie?" and instead of being able to talk about his boyfriend like the rest of the family, he'd mumble something about Casey or whichever blonde Derek had set him up with that week. And then he'd hope that he was convincing enough that he'd fooled his parents once again, all the while convinced that later that night his parents were going to come into his room and throw him out because they'd seen through his flimsy lies. It was enough to cause anyone stress. He hadn't actually started drinking to deal with his family, but it was certainly sounding like a better and better idea every time.

"Why don't we get out of here before anyone else gets home and go get a burger or something? If they ask, we went to the library."

"Sounds good," he agreed.

**Leer y Responder, por favor!**

-MM

Thanks for reading! This is completely new territory for me and so far I'm having fun writing this. I've got a rough outline of what I want to happen but I'm still open to requests so if there's anything you want to see that's just shy of smut, I'll consider it. I'm also playing around with chapter titles so those suggestions would rock too. Next on my list is CH6 of The Place You're In, which is completely outlined already.

Also, if anyone wants to beta this, feel free! Point out any typos you see and I'll hopefully fix them soon. And if you think it's crap, tell me that too. But keep in mind that this is the third draft (where it was heavily rewritten each time) so it could be so much worse!


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"Sam, are you sure you want to do this?" Cautioned Jules as she perched herself on the edge of her brother's bed, giving her a good view of him haphazardly pulling clothing out of his closet and tossing it onto his bed. Almost immediately after she sat down, a black t-shirt came flying towards her. She calmly reached a hand up to snatch it out of the air before it landed on her.

"Nope." Replied Sam honestly, turning to face his big sister. All of his clothing had apparently been selected because instead of pulling more clothing out of his closet, he grabbed his duffle bag and started stuffing the small mountain that had grown on his bed into it. Jules bit her lip to refrain from warning him they would wrinkle. He never listened to her anyway.

"How long are you going for anyway?" She settled on asking instead. "You've got enough clothing there to last a month."

Sam shrugged. "Don't know what I'm gonna need while I'm home."

"Packing for every clothing contingency. Ya know, sometimes I'm reminded just how gay you truly are." She smirked at her little brother with an impish grin on her face. He retaliated by throwing a sock (that he just happened to be holding at the time) at her and both the siblings burst into laughter for a few moments before Jules quickly sobered up again, remembering just how big this trip home could be for him.

She and Sam were closer than close. They had always been closest to each other growing up, but ever since she had caught Sam in a compromising position with his first boyfriend they'd been best friends as well as brother and sister.

"Seriously Sam, are you positive you wanna go through with telling mom and dad?"

"I'm definitely not looking forward to that conversation." He admitted. "And I really don't _want _to have it. But it's time for it to happen." Sam had spent years imagining how this conversation would go and more often than not, it went terribly. Coming out to his parents was not going to be the highlight of his trip. In fact, it most likely meant that he wouldn't be speaking to either of them again for quite some time. His mother would need a long time to get used to things and his father wouldn't even try. His father had flat out told him years before that if he ever came home gay, he could count himself out of the family.

Luckily, he knew that wasn't completely true. Jules would always be there for him. And so would his oldest younger sister Kelly, now twenty and off at college in Minnesota. She had found out when she was seventeen and taken the news surprisingly well. He accredited her reaction mostly to Jules. From the moment Jules had discovered Sam's secret, she began "prepping" her little sisters when the time came for them to be told. For every negative thing about homosexuality that came out of their dad's mouth, Jules found a way to show her sisters that there wasn't anything wrong with it. Kelly hadn't been interested in seeing her big brother put on any grand public displays of affection with anyone he'd been dating, but that also applied to all of her other siblings so Sam didn't take it personally. She had even been known to call him for guy advice on more than one occasion.

"You know that no matter what happens, we'll be here for you." Promised Jules.

"She's right." Affirmed Justin from the hallway, leaning against Sam's doorframe.

Sam had never doubted that Jules and Justin would continue to be there for him. Jules had been there since day one and in the four years that he'd been living with his sister and her now fiancé, Justin, had convinced him of the same. Jules would expect nothing less from the guy she planned to marry and she was astute enough to know if that guy was truly genuine or if he was just putting on an act to win a girl's favor.

"For all I know, I could chicken out at the last possible second and not go through with this. I mean, I've gotten lucky up until now." Both Jules and Justin knew he was referring to coming out to other people.

On campus he wasn't exactly openly gay, but enough people knew so that he wasn't in constant fear of someone finding out. He wasn't involved in any activist groups nor did he walk around screaming "I'm here, I'm queer, get used to it," but he didn't feel the need to hide when he was out with another guy either. He was perfectly comfortable walking down the street holding hands with a guy he was seeing or giving another guy a quick kiss in public. And the guys on his hockey team had known from day one and couldn't care less (or at least didn't hassle him for it), mainly because he wasn't the first or only gay guy on the team and their coach had a zero tolerance harassment policy that all team captains supported and enforced.

But when it came to friends from high school, only a select few knew. In this case, "a select few" meant Derek and Casey. All three of them went to the same university, but Derek and Casey had known since their senior year of high school. When Sam and Brian had broken up after nearly two years of dating, Sam had been nearly devastated. Sam had been talking his feelings over with Jules, but didn't want to keep rehashing the same things over and over with her, no matter how many times he needed to (his overly patient sister could only be so patient after all). It just so happened that Casey had broken up with her boyfriend around the same time. Their friendship had been rekindled long before so they started turning to each other when they needed cheering up or just wanted an afternoon of moping around without judgment. Casey assumed that Sam was moping about a girl the entire time and he was content to let her believe that, going so far as to carefully choose his words so he wouldn't let anything slip.

And one afternoon, he just got sick of it and started using the appropriate masculine pronouns. To her credit, Casey took it all in stride. She didn't freak out nor ask a billion intrusive questions about it. She just accepted it and informed him they were going shopping later, to which he refused.

But the person who had surprised him the most was Derek. He'd expected his coming out to put a strain on their relationship for quite a while. He'd never doubted that they'd get back to their original friendship, but he'd expected it to take some time. What he hadn't expected was to never actually have to come out to Derek. Derek had figured it out years before, officially making him the first of Sam's friends to know.

Near the end of their senior year, Derek and Sam had made the drive to Queens to tour the campus and meet a few of the hockey players.

"Dude, next year is gonna rock." Declared Derek over a late dinner their last night at Queens. He'd gotten along great with the hockey players and he'd heard about a few classes that seemed interesting.

"Tonight too." Agreed Sam. They were supposed to be meeting their student guide in twenty minutes to go to a party at one of the fraternity houses. From everything Jules had told him about this frat, they were in for a good time.

When they got to the party with their student guide, they could already hear the music from inside and a good number of people were on the front lawn. They could assume that just as many, if not more, were in the back yard and they didn't even want to guess how many people were crammed inside. Their guide made sure they had his number, a dorm key, and a general idea of how to get back to the dorm before leaving them on their own, which was fine by them. Almost immediately, Derek had started dancing with a hot blonde and Sam started talking to Adam, who was possibly one of the hottest guys on the hockey team. Adam was exactly Sam's type: Dark hair just long enough to run his fingers though (he imagined) but not nearly as shaggy as his own, chocolate brown eyes so dark you could barely tell the pupil from the iris and a skin tone that made him seem like he had a slight tan, even in the dead of winter. All of that came with perfectly toned abs (that he'd gotten a sneak peek at after a work out with the team).

It was everything he could do to stop himself from drooling. Especially since Adam didn't seem to mind Sam hanging around, even though Sam had mentioned that it couldn't be fun to have a lame high school kid tagging after him. Adam had laughed and promised he didn't mind. Never the less, when Sam spotted Derek over by the "punch" (really, at this point it was straight alcohol with just enough fruit juice to make it punch colored) bowl, he excused himself to go check in with his friend.

"So you gonna go home with her tonight?" Asked Sam.

Derek took a sip of his drink and shook his head. "She's fun to dance with, but it's not worth it." (Later, Sam would learn that Derek and Casey were in the early stages of a relationship at this point and Derek wasn't planning on jeopardizing that). "So what about you and that Adam guy?" Asked Derek, ready to shift the conversation from him onto Sam. "Going back to his place?"

"Wh what?" Sputtered Sam, spitting his drink out. Luckily there was no one near them in the splash zone.

"Oh please, you two have been making gaga eyes at each other all night but neither of you is confident enough to make the first move." Scoffed Derek. "And you're so into each other it's not even funny. You've got this dopey look on your face and when you walked away from him just now, his eyes totally followed you. One of us should be getting laid tonight so you should just grow a pair and ask him to dance."

"How much have you had to drink tonight?" Asked Sam, panicked that his and Derek's friendship had just taken a turn for the worse. A million thoughts raced through his head in the two seconds it took Derek to answer the question. Would Derek remember this tomorrow morning? How did Derek find out? Would Derek tell anyone? Had he already?

"Enough to know I shouldn't have said that but to not give a damn anyway." Shrugged Derek. "And look, here he comes now." Derek spun Sam to face an approaching Adam before quickly disappearing.

"Ya want a drink? Asked Sam, gesturing to the punch bowl behind him. "At this point is pretty much just punch colored vodka with all the alcohol in there but it does what it's supposed to."

"Sure." Agreed Adam, accepting the cup that Sam handed him before filling up one for himself. They both silently sipped their drinks for a bit before Adam finally broke the silence.

"I really like this song."

"Yeah, me too." Agreed Sam, even though he'd never heard it before in his life. As much as Sam wanted to take Derek's advice, he had no way of knowing what Adam's story really was. For all he knew, he wasn't out to the rest of team and Sam hitting on him could backfire for the next four years. Or Adam was totally straight that just taking a potential new player under his wing. Instead, Sam subtly shifted himself closer to Adam, just slightly invading Adam's personal space bubble. He expected Adam to pull back, to reestablish the space between them. But he also shifted forward ever so slightly, letting his hand grasp Sam's, interlocking their fingers together. Sam glanced down at their hands and back up at Adam.

"Don't worry. They guys already know." Adam grinned and started pulling Sam towards the dance floor. For a brief moment, Sam was hit with a wave a panic, worrying about someone seeing them, someone outing him. But then he realized that it didn't matter here. The only person here who knew him apparently already knew he liked guys. And was even okay with it. So he let himself be led onto the dance floor.

Sam didn't make it back to the dorm until an hour before he and Derek were supposed to head home. Sam and Adam had wound up going back to Adam's room and took advantage of the fact that his roommate wasn't there. They'd drifted off to sleep in the wee hours of the morning. Sam had been slightly nervous about seeing Derek, so that, coupled with the feeling of waking up next to Adam, were two very convincing reasons to put off getting out of bed for as long as possible. For all he knew, Derek had been joking and hadn't actually known anything.

The first half of the car ride home was nearly devoid of conversation save for a question here or there about what CD to listen to. Finally, Sam gathered the courage to Ask Derek what he'd been almost afraid to ask. "How long have you known?"

Derek paused to this for a second before answering. "About four years." He admitted.

"Why didn't you ever say anything?" Asked Sam, definitely not expecting that answer. Impatient as Derek was, Sam thought he's maybe figured it out a few months ago and had finally said something, not wanting to wait for Sam to come around and admit it.

"Wasn't my place. Dude, this is huge for you. I knew you'd tell me when you were ready. Or I'd get drunk and let it slip that I knew. One of the two." Shrugged Derek, not wanting the moment to get too sappy.

"Or that." Agreed Sam, laughing at Derek's attempt to lighten the mood.

"I'm guessing your dad doesn't know yet?"

"Nope, just Jules and Casey. And you apparently."

"For the record, if your dad ever kicks you out, there's room at my place." Offered Derek.

"Thanks." Replied Sam, bringing that particular topic of conversation to an end. Sam breathed a sigh of relief because his best friend had just unknowingly relieved one of his biggest worries. Until he, Jules and Justin officially had an apartment, he wouldn't have anywhere to go if his dad kicked him out of the house. Knowing that his best friend accepted him and was willing to offer him a place to go if needed made the idea of his parents finding out a little easier to deal with.

"So what's your plan for the week?" Asked Jules, bringing Sam's thoughts back to the moment at hand.

"I dunno." He shrugged. "Probably gonna tell Rachel and Tina before mom and dad so I've got a better chance of getting them on my side of this thing." He hated the idea of making it sound like this could potentially drive a wedge between his family members, but that was exactly what would happen, especially if his parents reacted the way he expected they would.

"They'll be a piece of cake." Jules assured him. "They both worship the ground you walk on. Besides, neither of them is really growing up where being gay is some big forbidden thing like it was twenty years ago. You've got nothing to worry about with them."

"And if all else fails, just take them shopping." Added Justin.

"Not in this lifetime." It took extreme bribery to get Sam to set foot in a mall. He couldn't care less about cute tops or finding the perfect pair of pumps to match.

Jules just shook her head at her little brother. "Promise me you'll call and let me know how things go."

"I will." Agreed Sam, stuffing the last of his clothes in his duffel bag just as Derek and Casey pulled into the driveway to pick him up.

"Love you." Said Jules as Sam headed towards the door.

"Love you too." He echoed.

**I'm sure many of you thought this story was dead but that's not true! I've got a few more days of break before it's back to work for me so hopefully some of that time will go towards writing.**

**Thanks in advance for any reviews/alerts/favorites adds!**


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